the woman I wanted


today I saw the woman I wanted
in a frozen slice of time in a
garden in your notebook

and I thought about a lot of
things--things like you and I,
twins in moral and poetry and
a helpless love for her,
the woman I wanted so that seeing

the corner of her mouth
was enough to drown me in a
swirling sea down a drain

of everything I never said
of all the things I swallowed
for fear and for you, who
loved her
loved her

the woman I wanted and never
could've taken care of who is
better off with you who can

write her the poetry I never could
love every inch of her exposed
body (and you do, you've told me,
cruel in a way that was innocent
and suspicious) like I never

could never even look her in the
eye, even that much was too naked
for me to look at without getting burned

by the woman you write from the
inside out, by the words you burn
into the page, ten times the words
I will ever be, by bravery enough
to be in love with the woman I saw

today I saw more of you and me
and you and she and the garden
in your notebook

and I think I want her for you
and you for her and for
me, maybe I want to be
maybe I really want to be
the woman I wanted

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